"Not me!" Monday

So, the MOTYs have asked for further proof of my exemplary mothering to be considered for the annual Mama of the Year Awards. (Apparently someone is running a smear campaign against me!) I provided them with the following list of things I'd never ever do in order to show them that I'm the best candidate for this completely fictional prestigious award:

I did NOT make my youngest stand in the restroom at In 'n Out while I paced back and forth wringing my hands freaking out and trying to figure out what to do because I had his poop all down the front of my shirt and he had his poop completely covering his lower half.

I did NOT actually consider asking an employee for a large garbage bag so I could wrap Logan up and take him home nekked from the waist down and covered in poop.

Instead, I did NOT give him a sponge bath in the sink at the restaurant because that would have been totally inappropriate and disgusting. I would NOT have done this even if there was a ridiculous amount of poop to come out of my small son and I could not figure out any other way to get us home.

I do NOT frequently walk around in my bra and pants in the morning while getting everyone else ready. I do NOT duck and run to my bedroom when I realize that my neighbor's window (the one that looks directly into my kitchen) is open.

I did NOT laugh hysterically when Jack asked if we were having an earthquake when in reality it was just my husband's crazy dancing that was shaking the whole house.

When my boys were insisting that they wouldn't take a bath (because it was hair-washing day), I did NOT give them the option of getting hosed off outside. When Logan tried to call my bluff, I did NOT actually start hosing him off on the back porch before he decided he wanted warmer bath water.

I did NOT...oh, wait I can't tell you that one. It was something I actually did do! ;)

For more "Not Me!" Monday posts visit MckMama's site.